A Dubai Mother’s Journey: From Silent Dinners to Heart-to-Heart Talks (Thanks to a Tiny Teddy)
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Sabiha and I met at an offline market event in the UAE. When we met her, she was already a mother of two children. She was busy every day. In addition to caring for the family, she also had to manage housework. Taking her children and friends or family out shopping was her rare leisure time.
The wrong way of getting along will only increase the gap between children and parents
She sometimes sent me messages on WhatsApp to talk about her recent life and troubles. She told me that her second daughter, Jamila, started junior high school last year. After entering junior high school, her study and life became more and more busy. She began to quarrel with her often over trivial matters, and sometimes they quarreled while talking. During our chat, Sabiha absentmindedly twisted the edge of her abaya. 'Last week,' she whispered, 'I found Jamila's diary under her pillow... I almost opened it.' Her knuckles turned white.
She didn't know why Jamila suddenly kept a certain distance from her. She still remembered how Jamila used to cling to her arm while shopping, giggling about school crushes. Now, her daughter flinched when she tried to fix her hijab in public — that tiny recoil felt like a dagger.
We mentioned to her that maybe it was because Jamila had entered puberty, and there were some troubles and problems that she was embarrassed to communicate with her parents, or didn't want her parents to know about. For example, her body began to develop, and the changes in her breasts and the arrival of menstruation caught her off guard. Another example was that she made friends at school, but didn't know how to solve the quarrel or conflict with her friends, or she didn't get the ideal score in the exam, and she was in a bad mood, etc.
Sabiha felt that these problems and situations were not very serious, and Jamila could open her heart and sit down and talk with her. She didn't understand why Jamila chose not to say anything, but she always confronted her in a confrontational way. She was doing it for Jamila's good, but Jamila didn't understand her.
The Moment Sabiha Realized She Was Losing Her Little Girl
I asked her if Jamila had ever told her what she liked and what her interests and hobbies were.
Sabiha thought for a while and answered me:" 'Mama, look what Aisha's mom got her!' Jamila once showed me a TikTok video of a girl customizing a teddy charm. I thought it was just a whim and didn't take it seriously.” Sabiha finally understood — it wasn't about the toy, but about having a space to breathe.
Sabiha decided to change the way she communicated and interacted with her daughter
After a while, Sabiha told us that she has been trying to preach to Sabiha less recently. If Jamila doesn't ask, she won't ask. If Jamila talks to her, she will listen to Jamila's complaints and worries and share her views with her, but she will never order her to do anything. She respects Jamila's own opinions and agrees immediately as long as it is not an excessive request, and never says a word of nonsense.
Jamila liked the pocket-sized Teddy that Sabiha gave her very much. The personalized teddy bear charm became Jamila's constant companion, dangling from her school backpack during exams, tucked into her handbag for mall outings with friends.
Sabiha smiled and told us that her relationship with Jamila has eased a lot recently.
On the Last Friday after prayer, they'd sit cross-legged on the majlis, sorting through Ramadan-themed fabric scraps. 'Should we add a crescent moon or lantern to Poki's cloak?' Jamila asked — the first time she had initiated a conversation in a month. Sabiha felt that some kind of barrier between her and her daughter was disappearing.
Jamila agreed to do a DIY Teddy Bear Craft with her on weekends. While doing it, they chatted. She found that Jamila is no longer a child. She should be regarded as an independent individual with her ideas. She doesn't need to always order Jamila to follow parents‘ standards and ideas. Giving her some space to explore her interests is the most comfortable way to get along with her.
Many mothers ask us: 'Will a DIY plush toy really help?' What they're really asking is: 'How do I understand my children as they enter puberty?
Perhaps friends who are following us have similar troubles when dealing with their children. You may wish to learn from Sabiha's way of dealing with it, take some free time to do DIY teddy crafts with your children, listen to their thoughts and troubles, and perhaps you can better understand the thoughts of teenagers!
Share your story with #PocketJoyMemories for a chance to win a Mother-Daughter DIY Kit featuring Jamila's favorite date palm embroidery patterns!